Walter was dying.
As he sat through the insufferable presentation from his new employer, he could feel every single molecule that was slowly dissolving within his cyclical body.
While the corporate automaton continued its spiel about employee benefits and their enthusiastic office culture, Walter glanced over at a poster on the wall.
The framed image was that of a cheetah stalking its prey behind some tall grass with the word “AMBITION” printed in bold white font above it.
Walter despised the putrid virtues of hunger and savagery commonly found in the corporate wasteland. It was the reason he quit his last job as an accountant for the local zoo.
He was also disgusted with the fact that most of these ideals were being forced upon by a small group of people in a large empty room.
Walter had never been one to fully conform. He would occasionally go out of his way to have a terrible day filled with misery and regret if enough people told him to have a good one.
He especially made that happen if those empty wishes of fortune came from anyone that he worked with. Walter swore he could see remnants of flesh stuck inside their toothy smiles.
To sum it up, Walter was a cynic who was completely against anything that had to do with synthetic culture, including the fabricated la-la-land filled with dual-monitor screens and a twisted affection for weather patterns.
He was under the assumption that the “office space play” was like a form of mind control, informing you of the most efficient ways to interact with others and how to properly digest information.
After he was dismissed for the day, Walter hurriedly trotted back to his car while some of the more sociable animals stayed back to mingle and pinpoint everyone else’s weaknesses.
As he was driving in his car, he eventually realized what day it was.
It was Friday.
Fridays were Slama-Dama-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse and his favorite radio station DJ Art Butterknife, of “101.8 The VCR”, would be handing out free t-shirts all night to everyone in the bar area, and asking those same people to donate to his radio station.
Walter turned on 101.8 just in time to hear the beginning of Art Butterknifes’ “Wacko Stories of The Day”, where Art would tear down people for the stupid things they did that landed them in the news.
At the end of each story, Art would play a classic soundbite of himself screaming “What a louse!” which helped catapult the segment into a timeless tradition of publicly shaming others for their human error.
When Walter arrived home, he quickly threw his employee manual on the kitchen table and ran to his bedroom to change for Slamma-Damma-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse with Art Butterknife.
With his “101.8 The VCR” rugby jersey adorned, Walter ran out of his house so he could be one of the first ones to get a t-shirt.
Walter absolutely loved Slamma-Damma-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse with Art Butterknife because of how many similar interests the two had.
Walter loved music and so did Slamma-Damma-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse with Art Butterknife.
Walter loved getting heavily intoxicated and Slamma-Damma-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse with Art Butterknife enjoyed encouraging him to do so.
Walter was not a fan of using a third example to prove a point about something and neither did Slamma-Damma-Ding-Dong-Dollar-Shots at Texas Roadhouse with Art Butterknife.
As he was driving into the parking lot, Walter could hear the jubilant energy of everyone inside screaming, “What a louse!”
When he finally made it to the packed bar area, Walter let out a long sigh of relief to be in a comfortable environment once again.
At that moment, Art Butterknife began to throw away his first batch of free t-shirts and Walter managed to grab one tossed high in the air.
When he turned over the white shirt to inspect it further, Walter noticed it had the word “HUSTLE” printed in bold white font above the image of a cheetah stalking its prey behind some tall grass.
He loved it.
Walter wore the shirt for the rest of the night as he partied on with Art Butterknife and the rest of the Texas Roadhouse crew, thinking about all the good ideals and virtues they brought into his life.
Walter was living.