Excitable Girl

As Raury drove away in his yellow polka-dotted PT cruiser, Ellie nearly disintegrated his rear view mirror with her heated stare. “He better not,” she thought to herself intensely.

She moved back inside the house and decided to eat a bushel of hot dogs to calm her nerves. Hot dogs always made her stomach grumble, but luckily for her women neither passed gas nor farted.

The only drawback to this blissful gift was that each morning all of her waste from the day prior was somehow magically transplanted into her bed and underwear.

It was the closest she ever came to having a waterbed.

Ellie stared down at her phone as she thought about the last few words exchanged with Raury. She then looked at the blank TV in the living room with a formidable gaze.

“He wouldn’t dare,” she gritted through her teeth.

When Ellie was finished devouring her food, she moved into the living room, curled up on the couch, and evaporated behind her phone screen as the TV could do nothing more but watch on like the cuckold it was.

After somewhere between minutes and hours, Ellie came across a peculiar social media post from one of Raury’s friends.

At first glance, the picture in the post seemed like any normal photo, with Raury and his friends drinking from goblets of blood as the shell of their sacrifice lied on the table behind them.

But with a closer glance, like a fourth or fifth glance, Ellie noticed something in the corner of the photo that caused her to whip her phone down to the floor.

The visceral rage brewing throughout her entire body was palpable. She knew what her next course of action would need to be.

Ellie jumped in her jalopy and punched it to Raurys’ friend’s house. As she made her way there, she decided to turn on the radio and landed on a national news broadcast.

There were only five reported mass shootings that night, with the daily average slightly improving to 4 per day.

Ellie knew it was a deplorable situation, but at least they weren’t getting bombed like those savages across the ocean.

Not to mention the drab ideals that they were getting bombed for, completely lacking in substance and pumpkin spiced lattes.

When Ellie made it to the house, she waited in her car for a few minutes to confirm with herself that it was the right thing to do.

Upon giving herself a thumbs up, Ellie walked into the house with her M60 and shot everyone inside, saving Raury for last.

“We agreed. Why did you do it?” Ellie asked as she pointed the barrel of her gun at his whimpering face.

“It was just too damn good. I’m so sorry sugarbearhoneydoowop,” Raury said as he pleaded for his life.

And with that, Ellie shot him in the face with an excessive amount of bullets and turned to leave the house.

But before she walked out the front door she went into the living room. As she turned the corner to see the screen of the TV hanging from the wall, she saw the reason for her justice.

That fucker had finished BoJack Horseman without her.

Subject #F23-064